All my life I have had a hard time with school. I wasn't one of the smart kids, nor was I in the top percentile for my school grade wise. I never really tried too hard because I already had the thought in my head that no matter how hard I worked I would still get the same results. I try to make myself blend in, so that I won't get paid that much attention. I don't like praises from people, but at the same time I thrive off of them. I make it look as if I don't care when I make bad grades, or when someone says something to me about not being smart enough.. but in all actuality I care very much. I've never been really great at just one thing. I'm decent at a lot of things, or either really bad at things. I've always wanted to excel and do exceptionally well at something, but that's never happened for me. All throughout high school people would say that I kept to myself.. which I didn't understand because I thought I talked to and got along with everyone. I guess I didn't socialize outside of school.. maybe that's what they meant. I mean I never put my business out there because it was no one's but mine. I probably didn't want others to judge me. So I blended in to the best of my abilities. I'm really good at that ya know.. blending in. People tell me that they see potential in me all the time, but I guess I don't really want to put myself out there to where I feel vulnerable. Wow, I really sound like one of those after school episodes where the kid doesn't belong lol.
The point I'm trying to make is this.. I recently started college last fall. It's exam time and I was one of the people who got exempt from our math exam. That's never happened to me before. I am awful at math, or at least I thought I was. I had this preconceived notion that I would never do well in any math class no matter what it was. I don't know why I would have ever thought that.. until I posted this status on facebook.. "I am sure there was some devine intervention!!! LOL" Which shouldn't have been a huge deal.. right? Yet, It was. He's held a lot of power over my math abilities for a long time. I never did well because he made me think I would never be able to do well. I've held a grudge against this man for a long time, and even though I joke with him about it I get really frustrated when someone tries to take away my successes because I worked hard, and I did well. The reason I did so poorly in his class was because if someone makes me feel stupid I shut down. Not the best comeback.. I know, but it's how I work. The lesson in this post for me is that I no longer have to subject myself to the judgement and criticism of others. I do well for myself, and only myself. I've come a long way since ninth grade, and I'm not the same little girl that I used to be. I'm making my way. We only get one chance at life, and I don't intend on wasting it on someone's opinion that doesn't matter. Surround yourself with positive people who build you up, not set you up for failure. As for that teacher, I'm going to do what people do when we have problems online.. *un-"friend"* lol. (:
No comments:
Post a Comment